Paul C. Brunson is the foun
der and president of the award-winning matchmaking firm, The Paul C. Brunson Agency. His firm has served over 600 clients directly and has matched over 6,000 individuals on dates collectively through inventive live events and social media. In 2013, he received an NAACP Image Award nomination for his first book entitled: It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be): A Modern-Day Guide to Finding and Keeping Love, which quickly became an Amazon bestseller in just 4 months. He is a Dell Inspire 100 honoree and has been recognized as the iDate Best Matchmaker and Best Relationship Coach of the Year nominee in 2012 and 2013. Appearing as the co-host on Oprah Winfrey Network’s Lovetown, USA, Oprah Winfrey notes, “Paul is much more than a matchmaker, he’s a life coach.” For more information, please visit www.paulcbrunson.com.
SmallBizLady: You’re the 1st Matchmaker we’ve interviewed. How did your career start & was the movie HITCH based on you?
Paul C. Brunson: I was formerly an investment banker. Then became a business manger for a wealthy Turkish family.
In ‘08 I started a non-profit to tutor low-income youth and realized none had 2 parents in their household. I launched my matchmaking agency to increase the number of two parent households.
HITCH came before me but this year Sony bought my story rights and is working on a movie!
SmallBizLady: You also host a weekly TV show and biweekly live stream where you interview newsmakers. Isn’t that off scope?
Paul C. Brunson: Interviewing celebrities and business leaders don’t appear to fit neatly with matchmaking but there are many synergies. In order to succeed at all my jobs, I must do one thing incredibly well – get great answers.
Whether interviewing a humble biz exec or coaching a shy dating client, the common thread is asking key questions to get key answers. Steve Jobs famously said “eventually the dots connect.” Well, they’ve connected for me b/c I’m naturally VERY curious and love Q&A.
SmallBizLady: Is your love for asking questions, what led you to co-found your new startup CNVO?
Paul C. Brunson: Absolutely. I also realized the need to ask great questions are not specific to my various careers and me. In order for any leader to be successful, he/she must be able to ask the right questions. “Effective leaders ask questions instead of giving orders,” wrote Dale Carnegie.
CNVO is a Q&A community for entrepreneurs who share information and resources in order to create better organizations and lives. CNVO is currently in a closed beta with a seed community of entrepreneurs and influencers within high growth industries.
SmallBizLady: Gathering such influential people must be insightful, what are you learning?
Paul C. Brunson: Asking good questions aren’t easy. A matter of fact, most of us have been taught as leaders that we should already know the answer.
Entrepreneurs and leaders should not think of questions as a sign of weakness. Entrepreneurs and leaders should consider questions to be a way of opening doors to start important conversations. Good questions create good dialogue. They help us better connect with people and ultimately makes us better leaders.
SmallBizLady: Why is it so challenging for entrepreneurs to ask great questions?
Paul C. Brunson: Too often our question structure, tone, and/or delivery destroy the chances of us getting a decent answer. Many entrepreneurs (because we need information quickly) are not very detailed in our questions. Worse yet, many questions sound more like accusations, putting the other person in defensive mode and can change their answers. It’s important for entrepreneurs and leaders to focus on asking better questions.
SmallBizLady: Can you share some tips on how we can ask better questions.
Paul C. Brunson: Be specific. Unclear questions have unclear answers. Specific questions yield specific answers. Don’t assume. Keep an open mind. This positioning will lead you to a better understanding.
Don’t ask “Yes” or “No” questions! These result in incomplete answers. Instead, use open-ended questions: “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “how.”
Always respond to the answer with “why.”
SmallBizLady: Why?
Paul C. Brunson: The word “why” is one of the most powerful words in our language. Starting or following a question with “why” is critical because it forces the person to explore their answer deeply.
The word “why” gives you more insight and lets you make your own opinions. “Why” shows respect for the views of others because with it, you can’t lead people to a certain type of answer.
SmallBizLady: Where can entrepreneurs go to learn more about how to ask better questions?
Paul C. Brunson: My favorite book about asking better questions is: http://www.amazon.com/Leading-Questions-Leaders-Solutions-Knowing/dp/1118658132/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
My favorite podcast about asking better questions is: http://www.boxofcrayons.biz/2014/12/warren-berger-on-the-art-of-questioning/
My favorite person to follow about asking better questions is @marileeadams
My favorite blog post on asking better questions is: http://amorebeautifulquestion.com/why-do-kids-ask-so-many-questions-but-more-importantly-why-do-they-stop/
SmallBizLady: Are there any other resources you have that could support our entrepreneurial community?
Paul C. Brunson: I wrote a viral post on 20 Things I Learned Working for 2 Billionaires: http://www.paulcbrunson.com/2014/01/20-successful-habits-learned-working-two-billionaires-part-1/ . If you’re interested in building your platform and audience, this can be helpful: http://www.paulcbrunson.com/2014/01/20-successful-habits-learned-working-two-billionaires-part-1/
My book is my best work on strengthening (business, platonic, & romantic) relationships: http://www.amazon.com/Its-Complicated-But-Doesnt-Have/dp/1592407692 . If you could benefit from joining a community of entrepreneurs who share information and resources, I welcome you to join CNVO: http://cnvo.co
SmallBizLady: Since you’re a Matchmaker too, what is your top relationship tip?
Paul C. Brunson: No one ever asks me relationship questions for themselves, only their friends. It sounds cliché, but it’s the golden rule in all relationships (romantic, platonic, & business) = You must love yourself first.
Love is like the oxygen mask on a plane, you have to apply it to yourself first before you can apply it to the person next to you. You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself.
SmallBizLady: Tell me about one of your biggest mistakes in your journey as an entrepreneur.
Paul C. Brunson: This is going to sound crazy but I’ve stopped believing in mistakes. I’ve started believing in only lessons. The wrong action today could give you the right lesson to use for a win tomorrow.
I used to be highly self-critical and ask myself daily what I could do better in certain situations. Now, I see “mistakes” are simply steps and every step is necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.
SmallBizLady: On your TV show you ask every guest “what’s one thing you believe most people don’t. What’s your answer?
Paul C. Brunson: I believe no person or company is your competition. I believe we as people or as entities only compete against ourselves. Sure, in business there are industries and market share but ultimately, our fate is in our hands. Our choices dictate our circumstances. You can’t control anyone but yourself.
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I completely admire Mr. Brunson for working to increase the number of two parent households. The lack of a father figure in such a large percentage of families nowadays is a major cause of so many societal problems we now face.
Of course the media will never acknowledge this fact, though.