Every week as SmallBizLady, I conduct interviews with experts on my Twitter talk show #SmallBizChat. The show takes place every Wednesday on Twitter from 8-9 pm ET. This is excerpted from my recent interview with @TonyaKerry Tonya Kerry, Esq. is a Professional Speaker and Love Coach. She is the author of 12 Secrets to Living a Life You Love. Tonya’s unique legal background gave her the foundation for understanding the complexities of human relationships. After seeing too many people involved in the court system as a result of poor relationship choices, Tonya made a commitment to help individuals create great relationships. For more information www.tonyakerry.com
SmallBizLady: How do romance and love help when it comes to business?
Tonya Kerry: With all of the challenges entrepreneurs go through, real love is a fabulous idea. To have a spouse or mate who’s with you no matter, that’s an incredible feeling! Far too many people, especially women, think to have both career success and romance is unattainable.
SmallBizLady: What are your top 3 relationship rules?
Tonya Kerry: My top three relationship rules are: One fool at a time, please. It really is all about living in peace and making a conscious choice that when the person flips out, you’ll stay grounded.
Secondly, just because you’ve been hurt by a fool, don’t put your love life in park. Your desire to be in an amazing relationship (backed with your persistence at becoming amazing yourself) will help you attract everything you desire.
Lastly, don’t ask for that which you are not willing to become.
SmallBizLady: What can a person do to elevate the quality of his or her love relationship?
Tonya Kerry: Women can stop hanging around other women who are angry and bitter. That means, no more drama parties. And men can learn about the emotional needs of women. If you’re a man, it’s not about what you want, it’s about what she needs.
SmallBizLady: What’s the best thing you can take into a new relationship after having been hurt in an old one?
Tonya Kerry: You need to take a heart that forgives into your next relationship. Releasing the pain of the past will free you in the future.
SmallBizLady: What do I have to do to find real love?
Tonya Kerry: If you want real love, you have to go get it – just not the traditional way. You do that by learning the kind of man that you want and becoming the kind of woman you will be for him in that relationship. In relationships, we are in reciprocal process. So it’s not just about creating a list of someone with all of the qualities that you want without investing in and creating who you will become.
SmallBizLady: What if I feel I’m ready for love and I’m just not making the connections to finding the right person?
Tonya Kerry: You have to be open to searching inside your soul and looking at the negative paradigms that might be holding you back in the first place. Ask, “What’s limiting me?” Look into the mindset that you have about attracting love. There has to be some sort of inner shift and then outward action towards the love goal that you have.
SmallBizLady: If I do have limiting beliefs, how do I get rid of them?
Tonya Kerry: If you have limiting beliefs, you’ll have a hard time finding love or attracting it. If by chance you do find love, you definitely won’t keep it. Limiting beliefs are a love repellent. You must first recognize them and replace them as you consciously refuse to let them drive you.
SmallBizLady: What is one core value you must have in order to succeed in love?
Tonya Kerry: Stop acting like a red flag is green. It will never be green. Trust the wisdom of your heart. He’s not the one; she’s not the one. Trust what you feel.
SmallBizLady: Is it true that a person can “complete” you?
Tonya Kerry: Absolutely not! You have to put your crown on and keep it on all of the time. A man does not come to fix you. A woman is not here to make you whole. You have to get back on your throne. Fix yourself first. Love later.
SmallBizLady: How important is it that he or she believes in my business?
Tonya Kerry: Simply put, if your mate doesn’t believe in your dream you better run for your life! The last thing you need is to be sleeping with the enemy. Nothing can ruin a relationship faster than a toxic fool.
SmallBizLady: What’s the first thing I can do to start finding real love?
Tonya Kerry: You probably won’t like it, but ladies stop looking. You do not have to chase after that which you can attract. Men, a pretty girlfriend doesn’t necessarily make a good wife.
SmallBizLady: If I have my own business, is it wise to marry an entrepreneur as well?
Tonya Kerry: That really depends. If both businesses are struggling and neither of you or only one of you is taking a regular paycheck, it can be really tricky and add a lot of stress to the relationship. Both businesses will require a great deal of time and attention. That’s why it’s so important to be strong and know who you really are before you enter a romantic relationship.
If you found this interview helpful, join us on Wednesdays 8-9 pm ET; follow @SmallBizChat on Twitter. Here’s how to participate in #SmallBizChat: http://bit.ly/1hZeIlz
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