Guest Article
Your fingers are poised over the keys of your laptop, ready to type out the most brilliant response to your client who is threatening to pull the plug on working with you. Suddenly time stops, and you are frozen. What can you say? How should you say it? Will it make him calm down or more upset? Your heart beats a little faster, your breath quickens. Now you are stuck and time is speeding by as you continue to be at a loss for what to say. You want to just vanish.
This happens way too often, when we get a call or email from an angry client, or when we are asked to do a project that might be over our head. Even though we would rather say No, but somehow your mouth says Yes. You finish each day with a promise to be more confident tomorrow and speak up for yourself. Yet, each day it is the same disappointing recap.
First, it is NOT your fault!
You are actually hardwired for this kind of reaction. Back in the day when we had to avoid being eaten by predators, we relied on this primitive reactionary response mechanism to kick in so that we could outrun what was chasing us.
Unfortunately, the system is an outdated program and kicks in before you can think to override it.
Before growing a 7 figure business, I spent six years as a Dominatrix. The role changed how I showed up in my business and in my life. What it challenged me to do is stand in a place of power. Not ‘power over’ as one might think, but ‘power within.’ All the while, it was me who was going through the transformation.
This transformation taught me how to rewire many of the automatic programming of fear responses so that I could remain in the moment. It made me better equipped to take strategic action in my business.
Top 3 Dominatrix Tricks for Small Businesses
- Challenge that monkey mind
We all have that internal voice that loves to tell us how wrong we are, and all the possible disastrous things that can happen if we don’t do things perfectly.
Well, it is time to stop your monkey mind, and show him who is boss!
Challenge those negative thoughts with some great comebacks:
“Is that really true?”
“Am I really going to lose it all?”
“So what if I do lose it all?”
Tip: Refuse to buy the lies. Focus on what you know is true. Then, ease back into what you were working on.
- Breathe!
The moment fear is triggered in your body, it releases the adrenaline to give you the boost to run. The thing is that if you are not getting up and running, that adrenaline takes longer to remove from your system and you will feel anxious until it is cleared out 20-30 min later.
If you take some time to breathe with the intention of resetting your system to relaxation, you can speed up or eliminate the cycle of feeling stressed.
When you breathe out for a count twice as long as your inhale, you are hitting the internal reset button and returning your body to a neutral resting state once again.
Tip: So each time you feel even a slight twinge of fear or anxiety – breathe in and then out slowly. Then come back to get your work done.
- Ask a better why question
There are empowering why questions and there are disempowering why questions.
Asking “Why can’t I make this work?” or “Why can’t I make any money at this?” will send your monkey mind off in search of the evidence of why.
And you’ll get back volumes of evidence for you, reminding you of all the times in the past that things did not work and before you know it you are munching on a chocolate bar to ease that discomfort or become frozen with self-doubt.
We can speak things into existence. So if we spin that Why question back to our advantage and ask better why questions, we can create new files in the brain of why it does work.
Try asking questions starting with “I wonder why it is so easy for me to …”
(Fill in the blank) Or “I wonder why clients feel so comfortable giving me more business?” or “I wonder why it is so easy for me to make money?”
Tip: Ask the why question once a day, and notice how you shift more and more as things become easier for you!
With these, and some other tools, applied on the regular – you will be in charge of your own space, and more importantly, you will believe it and feel it.
About the author
Dana Pharant teaches how to cut through the BS and reprogram your mindset in order to tap into your inner power, become a top performer and close more sales in your small business. She is the author of the new book, Inner Dominatrix Guide: Become a Badass in Business For more information, visit www.danapharant.com
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